Spring break senior year usually marks a crossroads for many seniors. It marks a time when we finally realize that college will truly be over in a few short months. Save those who go on to medical school or masters programs, we will be out in the real world trying to earn enough money to get by every day. This is a hard thing to grasp for those who have loans to pay back and for expectations to fulfill. It's even harder for those hunting for jobs in this market and not finding much success. The future is so ambiguous at times and doesn't really tell you what it will throw at you.
Upon looking back at my 4 years at ND I have found that most of the time things haven't made sense. Everything remained jumbled and a complete mystery at times. There were things here that I was never exposed to back home and it made me question my own morality and what truly were my values. I think that the four years of ND have changed me as a person for the better even though I might think that the situation I am in compared to when I first started college is a lot worse.
Four years is a lot of time to change a person. Four years is a lot of time to grow. Four years is a lot of time to develop new friendships. Four years is a lot of time to lose some of your old friendships. But most of all four years of college define your last stand before you truly go into the real world with nothing held back. Four years, you live in a bubble and are protected from the harsh realities of the real world. Yes, sometimes you can get poked but that bubble usually withstands and protects us for those four years. Once that bubble is burst though, you realize that you better have learned how to fly and survive.
I talked with Arnold tonight and we just chatted about how things have changed for me in the past 4 years being here. I think that I have grown a lot personality wise because I still perceive myself as an awkward but nice guy that always wanted to make sure everyone was happy. I still am that nice guy but I'd like to think I'm not that awkward anymore. I have learned to be more assertive and try to really go after what I really want in life. Sure I'm still not the best in this category and there are times that I will still be reserved but I now know how to handle situations like that better now. I've learned more about my limits and what I can and can't do. However, sometimes even though you have a limit, you still have to push yourself to achieve higher than that. It's the only way you will improve and the only way to surprise yourself and others around you.
I've seen how I have changed just because of the things that go on every year.
Freshman year I started out not knowing what I was doing and being a thousand miles away from home. I spent most of my time playing videogames until late at night and calling people back home almost non-stop to at least gain a little bit of sanity in an unfamiliar environment. I worked on the ultra conservative Irish Rover which didn't really suit my style per se but it was still a good experience and the link between my Journalism background from high school to college papers. Later on in that year I gained more friends through the Asian community through the Asian American Association (AAA). That's when I started feeling like I was more at home.
Sophomore year I gained valuable leadership skills as I signed up to be a Public Relations Commissioner for AAA. I was able to see how a club works and what goes into decision making and planning events. I also saw my design skills flourish a lot. I got to make a ton of posters and I had an obvious skill for it since many people liked my designs. I got bold and I pursued internships with a frenzy. I must have interviewed with at least 8 companies that year just to try to find an internship. I didn't end up getting a single one. However, I grew as a person and as a friend as I started gaining more friends here at school and regular ones that I could just hang out with. Probably most importantly though was the fact that I met my current girlfriend KristaRose at the AAA Freshman Retreat and we hit it off pretty quickly after that. Granted I didn't make a move for the longest time, we still progressed into a very loving relationship.
Junior year was the harder year. This was a time of taking on a lot of things and feeling overwhelmed a lot. Taking over 19 credit loads, working with several clubs and working a regular job was a lot to take on. Krista and I led a lot of successful new events within AAA that brought together more of the campus community to get in touch with the Asian community. To this day, the events from this year are by far my favorite and it was a joy seeing the end result and seeing the ND community interacting and learning about the Asian community. Junior year was also a time to really bond with my friends. But in all honesty it was overshadowed by the sheer number of things on my plate. AAA, FASO, CCC, my COMO job, 19 credits, yeah it was like I was taking at least 30 credits.
And senior year, the year that was supposed to be the most fun and most relaxing. It's turned out to be the pivotal point of my college career. I haven't grown up as much as I have this year. As most of you guys know my dad passed away in December and it has forced me to really take care of my mom and figure out the finances since my dad did all of that. I've had to deal with relapses of sadness and depression and to this day I cannot say that I am even close to being ok with things. It's hard being an only child and losing the person that you considered a hero. My dad was a very influential person and he touched the lives of so many people. I've had to quickly learn that I need to stay on top of things and manage things more correctly.
I would write more on this blog because I am in a contemplative mood but my tiredness is overruling everything. Hopefully I can write more at a later time.
Famous Dave's
12 years ago
